Shattered Glass

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 44

Her hand trembled encased in his as they watched, with baited breath, the medics desperately trying to save their little girl. They poked and prodded and reeled off statistics that meant nothing to the nervous parents, bystanders in their own story, their hearts in their mouths, their entire lives in the skilled hands of the medical team before them.

In that moment nothing else mattered but the first breath they longed to hear her take. Thoughts of brain damage and post natal depression were abruptly pushed to the back of their overactive minds.

They would deal with whatever battle life would throw at them in the future, just as long as their precious daughter was victorious in her current battle for life.

Aden felt Belle’s fingers curl around his own, tightly, as though she would lose her own life if he ever let go. Her eyes were flooded with water and the usual pink hue of her lower lip had almost

completely drained away as she bit down hard against it, desperate not to fall apart. Fearful that she would soon draw blood he tenderly stroked his little finger over her mouth and her biting ceased as

he had hoped.

He scanned their daughter’s tiny, fragile body for a spot to concentrate on. Her beautiful heart shaped face was obscured by the yellow tinged plastic of the mask forcing essential oxygen into her weak, underdeveloped body and it appeared that there wasn’t a single part of her not attached to a tube or being prodded with a sterile, silver instrument. Eventually his gaze rested upon the soft, warm spot just below her tiny ear where he longed to nuzzle his nose and place gentle kisses as he whispered promises into her minute, shell like ears of how he would always keep her close and safe. Of how he would do anything just to make her happy.

Belle sighed softly to herself but no sound was emitted from her as she grasped at think air with her free hand, desperate to touch her baby girl, to hold her and to comfort her. She wanted to jump up, barge across the room and reclaim her baby, to protect her from their tugging and almost rough handling of her. But an emotion which she knew to be fear had tethered her to the hard, hospital trolley as though it was taking her hostage.

And then suddenly, almost before Aden or Belle were ready, a muffled and fragile wail escaped from the weak lungs of their diminutive daughter.

Belle almost choked on her own breath as it whooshed out of her in a sigh of relief. Aden squeezed her hand tightly as he brushed away the tears slowly inching down his cheek.

It was the sweetest, most beautiful, perfect sound they had ever heard.

Aden’s lips briefly found hers. The quickest of kisses but probably the most meaningful they had ever shared.

“I’m so proud of you” he whispered softly against her ear as they continued to gaze at their baby girl now being placed carefully into the waiting incubator.

“Look what we did” she murmured as another faint cry met their ears and they both smiled in relief. She was here, in the world with them and 27 weeks may be far earlier than anyone would have

wanted or expected but she was there and she was holding on and somehow, in that moment, they both wholeheartedly believed that she always would be.

***

Belle’s eyelids slowly fluttered open and the cold, clinical decor of the hospital room fluttered into her vision. She breathed a soft sigh of relief as she noticed a familiar face watching her intently from the opposite side of the room, his lips curving into a gentle smile as he realised she was awake.

“Hey sleeping beauty” he whispered, crossing the room to place a soft kiss to her lips.

“The baby?” she instantly asked, unsure as to why he was there.

She had spent the last 48 hours being almost babysat by various members of their friends and family as she insisted that Aden be there for their baby girl who needed him the most. She needed both of

them, her Mummy and Daddy, and an overwhelming sense of failure surged through Belle every second the doctors kept her away, hooked up to numerous tubes to ensure she remained hydrated and

to catch any blood pooling beneath her scar.

The pain relief was doing its job and she was beginning to feel vaguely human again but not being able to see her baby was gut wrenching and causing her more pain than any injury or wound could

ever do.

“She’s ok” he whispered as he ran his fingers through her soft hair.

“She’s hanging in there. She’s a tough, little fighter just like her Mummy”

“Stubborn like her Daddy more like” she giggled softly, nestling her cheek against his palm.

“Hey we’re both stubborn!” he objected with a chuckle.

“Touche” she nodded as the door slid open and Rachel crept in.

“Please tell me you’ve come to let me off my reigns” Belle sighed tugging harshly on one of the tubes, only stopping as Aden’s hand curled over hers and restricted movement. He hated this too but the

last thing he wanted was her to be any worse than necessary. The tubes were there for a reason and to be treated with such recklessness was not one of them.

“I just want to see my baby” she groaned, tears beginning to flood her eyes as he pressed a kiss to the side of her head and wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders.

It had been 2 days. 2 days and all she’d seen of her little girl was the briefest glimpse as they’d held her above the partition, before they’d rushed her away and surrounded her in their flurry of activity.

As Rachel simply nodded and indicated to the wheelchair she had pushed into the room with her a broad, bright smile lit up Belle’s face like that of a child on Christmas morning. Aden smiled softly, a

stark contrast to the sadness reflected by his tired eyes rimmed by dark circles, as Rachel explained that Belle would have to stay in the chair and take a portable IV with her. He was certain that Belle

would have agreed to pull the metal bed and every piece of medical equipment in the room with her to the NICU in a bizarre test of endurance if it meant that she got to catch even the tiniest glimpse of

their precious baby girl.

Once she had been unhooked from the vast majority of the machines, which had kept her prisoner for the long, painful 48 hours since the birth of their daughter, they settled her in the chair and he

pushed her slowly along the cold, clinical corridors of the hospital. A nervous anticipation suddenly surged through Belle’s weak body. She yearned to demand that he go faster so that they would reach

their destination sooner but simultaneously she had to fight the urge to yell stop, to order him to turn back and abandon their journey. She was brimming with excitement and love intermingled with a

haunting fear that she wouldn’t bond with her baby or worse.

She was scared of her own reaction to the sight of her treasured daughter fighting to stay alive. She wanted to be proud and to love her all the more for refusing to let this beat her but she was

overcome by a nagging fear that all she would feel was trepidation and failure.

“She won’t even know who I am” she whispered softly, her head bowed as they reached the door emblazoned with the acronym she had heard bandied about more than she would ever have wished to in the past two days.

NICU

Until now it had almost been a mythical world, spoken of often but only seen by a special, chosen few. Like a medical Narnia and only now had she managed to clamber her way into the infamous

wardrobe.

“Of course she will” he murmured reassuringly, his fingertips tracing gentle circles at the nape of her neck in an attempt to relax her.

“She’s been waiting for you” he whispered softly as he pushed forward and the door swung open to reveal a row of tiny incubators surrounded by the bustle of diligent nurses or anxious parents.

The heat hit her first, square in the face, causing her to flinch back slightly and let out an uncomfortable sigh. She was exhausted from sleep haunted by dreams of what they’d been through and what

might be left for them to go through, and the rush of regulated heat from the neo-natal intensive care unit only served to make her even more fatigued.

Aden pushed the wheelchair forward along the row of incubators, which were spaced out sufficiently to give the parents of each child the space and privacy they needed. He was pushing her too fast but not fast enough. A huge ball of jumbled emotions pulsated in Belle’s tummy as they came to an abrupt stop next to the last incubator in the row and Aden pulled up a chair so he could sit next to her.

“There’s my beautiful princess” he smiled as he opened one of the small circular doors in the side of the incubator and slotted his hand through to enable him to tenderly caress their daughter’s pale temple.

“What have you been up since I left then sweetheart?” he cooed as Belle’s breath caught in the back of her throat and tears began to sting her eyes. She was perfect, their little girl was perfection personified.

“Did you do some dancing? Or go for a run? What? You just had a little rest hey? Well you obviously take after your Mummy she likes to sleep too”

“Aden!” Belle giggled weakly as she placed her hand on his forearm just outside the incubator and they gazed at their beautiful daughter together.

Nestled inside soft blankets as white as snow her pretty little face peeked out from her makeshift cocoon. A thin tube made a path across her soft skin before disappearing out of sight up her button

nose, providing her with the life saving oxygen she required as her lungs had not been given the chance to develop properly.

Her thick, full head of dark hair was a total contrast to her pale, porcelain skin. At only 3 pounds and 2 ounces in weight she could have fooled them into believing she were a doll if it were not for the steady rise and fall of her chest, alerting them to the fact that she alive and still fighting.

Belle felt her heart swell with love as she examined her daughter’s tiny features. It sent a thrilling shiver down her spine as she realised that their little girl was a perfect combination of both of them. Her dark hair and colouring were clearly inherited from her mother together with her tiny nose whilst her bee stung lips were all Daddy as were the piercing, almond shaped, baby blue eyes that peered out

at them inquisitively as she waved her tiny arms slightly as if to say hello.

“Talk to her” Aden murmured softly, his fingertips softly brushing their baby girl’s thick hair. He had spent the past forty eight hours marvelling at how perfect she was, drinking in all the tiny details but he would never tire of watching her, or of the feel of her soft skin or of the way she wrinkled up her nose when she yawned...just like Belle did.

“Rach said there’s research that shows babies remember voices from when they were in the womb, that they find them comforting”

“What do I say?” she questioned nervously as she gripped his arm slightly tighter.

“Hello might be a start” he chuckled softly, lifting her hand to his mouth with his free hand and tenderly kissing her palm.

“You don’t have to be nervous” he whispered pressing her hand to the other transparent door on the incubator.

“You can touch her too”

Hesitantly Belle opened the tiny door and poked her thin hand through being careful not to disturb any of the sensors or wires monitoring the baby’s condition. Gently she brushed the back of her fingers

against the soft material of the blankets enveloping her daughter, too nervous to touch her bare skin at first.

But as she made contact the tiny little girl flexed her hand outwards almost as though she was reaching for her mother and instantly Belle felt a renewed confidence surge through her. She nestled her

little finger in the centre of her daughter’s hand and let out a gasp interspersed with a giggle as the tiniest fingers she had ever seen curled themselves around it.

Aden watched the expression on Belle’s face turn from nervous to pride to absolute love. His heart almost skipped a beat as he witnessed one emotion dissolve into the next. He knew that this time Belle

wasn’t going anywhere.

And she knew it too whispering soft, sweet words to her daughter as they got reacquainted after their brief separation. She longed to cradle her baby girl in her arms, to hold her tight and protect her

from everything bad in the world. She couldn’t have felt more different to the days when she would have done anything not to have to hold her own baby. This time it would be different. This time it

was different and everything would be okay. Their baby girl would pull through this and everything would be ok.

“You keep fighting you hear me?” she whispered softly as the little fingers curled around her own moved slightly, causing a tickling sensation.

“Because me and Daddy and Jamie we’re all going to love you so much and you have to beat this and come home to us”

“She says she’s on it Mummy” Aden teased using one of Jamie’s favourite phrases as Belle gently ran her fingertips over the rectangular card slotted into the end of the incubator.

A baby pink teddy bear was illustrated on the thick white card which bore their daughter’s details.

Surname: Jefferies

Forename(s):

D.O.B: 06.08.2017 7.27 pm

Weight: 3lbs 2ozs

“She needs a name” Belle told him simply as she ran a fingertip over the glaringly blank space on the card.

“I thought we were going to let Jamie choose?”

“Yeah I know I just...she needs a name now Aden, I don’t want her to in this world without a name, like she’s not important. She needs to know who she is, who she’s fighting for”

“Then you choose” he smiled softly, taking his hand from the incubator and hugging Belle close to him.

“Actually” she smiled back up at his as she nestled her head against his chest.

“I think I prefer your name, it suits her”

“Ok” he grinned cheekily glad for an opportunity to be able to lighten the mood.

“Aden it is then!”

“Shut up!” she chuckled smacking a hand forcefully against his chest.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah” she nodded against his chest as she borrowed the pen which was sat above the clipboard containing their daughter’s notes.

“She doesn’t look like a Kyla” she declared her own favourite name out of the running as she carefully wrote their choice of name into the gap in perfect script and slotted the card back into place.

“And your name means entrancing and she’s definitely that”

They smiled softly at each other both feeling as though in the moment they gave a daughter a name, they gave her life. Almost as if her identity flowed into her with each flick of the pen, like an inky

transplant of personality.

Belle placed her finger back into her daughter’s palm and wiggled it gently against the delicate, perfect skin.

“Welcome to the world” she whispered softly.

“Welcome to the world Alyssia Jaye”

N.B. Alyssia is pronounced A-liss-ia.

[bikinikill]

That was so beautiful Louise. It was perfect. Just perfect.

I love that Belle was cautious at first, but then she realised just how much she loved her daughter, and that Aden could see that too.

And I loved this line

“Did you do some dancing? Or go for a run? What? You just had a little rest hey? Well you obviously take after your Mummy she likes to sleep too” It was too cute.

It was just beautiful Louise. TRuly beautiful.

Awesome work.

[bradyell]

Louise - you keep making me cry!!

That was just so perfect!

I can' even pick a favourite bit cause i loved every single word

Can't wait till Jamie mmets his baby sister!!

[xknomex]

WOW

Never mind Alyssia being entrancing that update was!!! seriously that was unbelievable!!! WOW

Love love loved that update!!!!

Thank God that she breathed!!

Cant wait for more and to see Jamie's reaction!

xxx

[wrongturntaken]

That was so perfect and beautiful and mesmerising! I loved all the descriptions of how they were feeling and the baby being in the incubator. I loved the way you ended the chapter too, felt so right. Love the name! I can't wait for more!

Hope you can update soon!

[hitmanfan]

Another amazing update.

You wrote Belle's emotions so well, I'm glad she felt the connection she was hoping for.

and a really lovely name.

[zifiso]

oh!!! thats going to be one gorgeous baby!

Hope Jamie won't be jealous his little sis look like mummy and daddy

Love the name

Great update

[LAURZY!]

Awwww wow!!

That was amazing, the way you wrote Belle's emotions was unreal

That name is just gorgeous!

Cant wait to read Jamie's reaction lol

Brill update hun Really cant wait to read more

[Inactive User]

Great chapter.

Loved the naming

Update soon

[KaiyaBlake]

I don't know what to say, but...

perfect ..