Shattered Glass

[Zetti]

So very very cute talk between Aden & Belle

at the baby kicking

Hope you update soon x

[Red Ranger 1]

Sweet chapter, really well-written.

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 43

Bright, disorientating flashes of yellow and purple taunted her, hovering momentarily before her tired eyes like a deeply bruised star shooting across her line of vision before burning out in a whimper. A deep groan escaped over her dry, pink lips as the soft fleshy peach hue of her knuckles dissolved in a ghost white tinge under the force of her body weight pressed against them as she held on to the metal frame of the hospital bed with all her might.

As the strong contraction ripped through her weak body, stealing her breath away so that the shriek emanating from her sounded nothing more than a low gasp, she felt a comforting hand rest against her lower back, the sanded edges of the plastic nail extensions attached scratching her pale skin unintentionally. She knew that she should be grateful. Grateful that for the first time in her life her mother was there to truly support her when she needed her but other than her fright and the sharp pains coarsing through her body at regular intervals all her busy mind could concentrate on was the absence of the one person she wanted there the most.

She called his name quickly as the latest contraction faded knowing that it was only a matter of minutes, at most, before the next crippling wave of pain tore through her and metaphorically knocked her of her feet. Amanda’s voice responded in hushed, subdued tones, as she gently slid her hands up and down her daughter’s back in an attempt to comfort her. In reality her nails irritated Belle as if they were screeching down a rough chalkboard.

They would find him. He would be there soon. The words were carbon copies of the ones fed to her the last time she had asked and the time before that too. His location had proved elusive. No one knew where he was. They’d been looking for hours now. He wasn’t coming. He’d promised her that he’d always be there.

Empty words and undelivered promises.

He wasn’t coming. He’d left her for the first time in weeks and look what had happened.

Despite her slightly delirious state, an expected effect of the high dosage of steroids being pumped into her at a rapid rate in what she knew was an unsuccessful attempt to halt the labour once more, she was aware that his presence wouldn’t be an automatic guarantee of a fairytale ending.

Life didn’t come with a warranty.

Aden Jefferies couldn’t make the world ok again with a dazzling smile and a cheeky, flirtatious comment. But he could make her world ok, even if only for the tiniest fraction of time, and she needed that. She needed him.

Where was he?

Leaning back against the flat pillows of the hard, uncomfortable metal bed she pushed weakily at the paper thin hospital sheets, crinkling the starchy material between her fizzy fingers as a trail of perspiration trickled down her forehead. A perfectly manicured hand hurried to assist her, rolling back the white sheet and arranging it neatly at the end of the bed just below Belle’s bare feet. Amanda knew it wouldn’t really help Belle’s temperature. The inexpensive linen was so thin it was practically transparent and was not causing Belle to burn up. But she busied her hands anyway, hoping to busy her mind in the process, for the feeling of pure hopelessness surging through her to diminish, for someone or something to take away her little girl’s pain.

Belle sipped tiny drops of luke warm water from a clear plastic cup in a desperate attempt to eliminate the coarse, dry feeling irritating her throat. Licking her lips she placed the half full cup onto the table next to the bed and beside her, the water sloshing noisily as she struggled to place the container down vertically, the tangle of tubes and wires attached to her restricting her movement as they tethered her to various machines.

She was fully coherent. She knew why they were taped to her arms, hands and tummy. She knew they were monitoring any hint of a change in her condition and in that of her little girl. The thin, translucent tubes were feeding drugs into her that she didn’t really want in her already hazy body. She was completely conscious of the fact that every single wire and tube had the same overarching goal, to ensure the health and safety of her and of her baby. But that didn’t stop her wanting to rip them off like a plaster, in one swift, painful movement. She wanted to run home and curl up in Aden’s arms. To pretend that none of this was happening.

It was too soon. Still way too soon.

The door creaked open and instead of the nameless faces of strangers who had been prodding and poking her all day, Rachel appeared before her. She stared at Belle intently as another contraction pulsed its way through her body, her face stern and concerned. Belle knew they had sent for her in the vain hope that as a friend she could convince her to accept something to ease the pain but it wouldn’t work. They could take away her privacy and a slither of her dignity, examining and touching parts of her she didn’t want anyone outside of her own bedroom to see, but they could not take away her determination or her stubbornness. They were already pumping her full of unknown fluids, she wouldn’t let them give her anything else.

Right then she needed to feel, because it was the only thing reminding her to keep fighting.

As predicted she heard a string of unnecessary words flow over Rachel’s lips. Gas and air...pethidine...epidural. The only word she could muster in response was no.

No. No. No.

She zoned out as Amanda tried to convince her to listen to Rachel. Sighing deeply she covered her eyes with her hands and groaned. They didn’t understand. They couldn’t. They wouldn’t ever understand her desire to be in control. Everything else was already so far beyond her control that she at least wanted to have this. She wanted to manage her pain herself. To battle through, to experience what is was like to have a completely natural birth. She didn’t want to risk not bonding with her baby, it couldn’t happen to her, not again.

Her adamant protests seemed to have the desired effect as their attempts to convince her died away and instead they simply held her hand or tried to help her find the most comfortable position to endure the pain. After endless position changes she began to realise that the words labour and comfort didn’t go together, not when you weren’t attached to a tube dripping pain medication slowly into you. But another tube was the last thing she needed. The pain and the discomfort was the only thing forcing her to admit that this was real. It wasn’t a dream, or rather her worst nightmare. It was her worst reality. Her baby girl was making her way into the world far too soon and Aden wasn’t with her.

Amanda did her best, whispering softly words of comfort and coaxing her gently with verbal encouragement as she made it through yet another contraction. But as close as they were Belle couldn’t help but silently wish that if someone other than Aden had to hold her hand, it could have been Irene. She would have known what to say and what to do. She wouldn’t have buzzed around her like an irritating wasp, not knowing where to put herself, like Amanda was doing. And she would have moved heaven and earth to find Aden.

“Where is he?!” she screamed as the pain rippling through her died away once more. Instantly at least three of the machines which she was hooked up to began to beep incessantly. Quick and piercing their thumping beats caused a flurry of activity around her. Nurses checking numbers and codes on the machines that may as well have been written in Russian for all she understood them. As she calmed down, as well as she could, the beeping returned to its normal pace and slowly the crowd of medics one by one left the room with promises of checking on her shortly and being straight there if she buzzed.

Her dark tresses were plastered to her clammy, flustered cheeks and the wafer thin cotton of the hospital gown she was cloaked in clung to her like a second skin. The only response that greeted her outburst was a simple shushing as the woman who had brought her into the world 27 years ago, in exactly the same way, ran her hand tenderly over the top of her daughter’s head. Belle was filled with admiration in that moment. This was hard enough now. But at 13, knowing you would never be able to keep your baby? She didn’t have a clue how Amanda had done it.

Minutes passed. Seconds. Hours possibly. She didn’t know. All she knew was that the gaps of blissful relief were shorter, the pain more intense, the space where Aden should be still empty. Images of the day Jamie came into the world flashed through her mind. Two weeks late. They had waited so long she had thought she would spontaneously combust if she’d been forced to wait another second. Now she would give anything for another second, for another week or month. Anything for her little girl to be ok.

Amanda reached over and wiped her furrowed brow with a wet flannel. She lifted a limp arm, dripping with strings as though she were Pinocchio, and attempted to bat Amanda’s hand away but she couldn’t muster the energy required to reach her and instead dropped her arm back to her side with a thud. Amanda noticed her slight movement and quickly recoiled her hand and the flannel away, perching her petite body on the rickety wooden chair by the bed as Belle took a deep intake of breath and let out a tiny whimper.

Suddenly the machine behind her, with its thick crimson wire leading to her tummy like a make shift umbilical cord created from red liquorice, was whirring like a siren. The confectionary resembling cable delivering anything but sweetness as a hoard of medics flooded through the double doors, speaking in a language or complex she didn’t understand as their faces were covered by expressions she didn’t know how to read. To them this was probably an everyday occurrence. She was just another patient. A statistic. They didn’t truly care.

Not like Aden would.

And then Rachel was there. Her face mere centimetres from Belle’s own as she tried to sensitively explain the situation. But her attempts to calm were ineffective for all Belle heard were the words which terrified her more than anything.

”Baby...distress...emergency caesarean”

Forcefully she knocked the clipboard Rachel was offering her back against her friend’s chest. She wouldn’t sign the consent forms, she wouldn’t let them do this. She wouldn’t let them take away her chance to love her baby.

She screamed in frustration before yanking at the clear tape sticking the canula into her hand. She was leaving, she wasn’t going to let them do this. She plucked at the tape, taking flakes of dry skin with it as she pulled it back. Rachel’s hand clamped down over hers in an instant, preventing her from doing any more damage as another contraction undulated through her.

“I don’t want this” she whimpered, giving in and collapsing back onto the bed as hushed whispered of the medical team filled the room. She knew they would try to convince her, that they would do everything they could. But she wouldn’t give in.

The tall, middle aged man she knew was a surgeon fluttered from her line of vision. She heard the door open and him explained to a third party what was happening in a low murmur.

And before she could register what was happening he was there. Holding her hand, brushing his lips softly against her forehead and whispering how sorry he was. How she should never have had to go this far alone. But she didn’t need or care for his apologies. None of it mattered, all that mattered was that he was there.

There was no miracle cure. Her pain didn’t decrease now she was staring into his piercing blue eyes and her panic didn’t subside even though his long fingers were entwined with her own. But he was there and somehow that made everything better. Even if everything wasn’t better.

She didn’t notice Amanda slip out of the door into the corridor to give them space, all she could concentrate on was his face and the feel of his soft fingertips soothingly rubbing circles over the nape of her neck with his free hand.

His whole body jerked suddenly. A delayed reaction as though he was only now seeing the true reality of the situation. On first entering the room he had only seen Belle. His Belle. But now he saw the multi coloured mass of wires and tubes and the complex machinery they hooked her up to. His heart plummeted into the depths of his stomach and nausea almost overcame him.

“It’s ok” she whispered, her free hand tenderly stroking the one he was grasping her other one with.

He almost scoffed. He couldn’t believe that she was the one reassuring him. She was amazing and the love he felt for her in that moment was one no words could express, one that once upon a time he would never have imagined being able to feel for anyone. Belle had made his life so much better than it ever would have been without her and he didn’t want to lose her.

“Sign the forms please” he almost begged, his pleading eyes looking down as his long eyelashes fluttered.

“I can’t” she cried, tears breaking free as she shook her head.

“I can’t let it happen again Aden. I don’t want to not love another baby. Do you want to lose me?”

“No” he shook his own head slowly and solemnly before raising both his hands to gently cup her face between them.

“No I don’t. But if I have to I’d rather you ran off to LA than forced me to bury you and our baby. I could deal with you on another continent, I couldn’t deal with you...” his voice trailed off as a single

tear rolled down his cheek.

“Please Belle” he whispered.

This time he was begging. And he didn’t care who saw him.

“Ok” she replied softly and before she could register anything her shaky hand was signing the form and an anaesthetist was explaining the analgesic he would be administering to her for the procedure.

His words drifted over her as she held on to Aden’s hand. She didn’t want them to explain, all she wanted was to cradle her daughter against her chest and for Aden’s strong arms to be wrapped around her, gazing down at their bundle of joy.

In a blur she was prepped for the surgery, only ever letting go of Aden’s hand when necessity required it to enable the nurses to remove a tube or to fix the fresh linen over her. As soon as they were finished she was grasping for him again and he was never more than a metre away. In what felt like a blink of her tired eyes they were in the operating theatre, her lower half was numb and a dark

screen concealed everything interesting from her line of vision.

“Don’t you think this is taking your doctors and nurses fantasy a little far?” Aden whispered suggestively as he tugged uncomfortably on the dark blue scrubs he was now wearing in a desperate attempt

to distract her as the operation began.

Neither of them were saying what they were both thinking. They both knew the risks of premature labour, both having secretly Googled it when the other wasn’t in.

Although probably highly inappropriate, sexual innuendo was much more comfortable than the words infant mortality or brain damage in that moment.

“I had to convince you somehow” she grinned momentarily.

“You can examine me later Dr. Ross”

“I’ll hold you to that” he chuckled as they both suddenly became solemn. Belle gripping his hand so tightly he thought she might cause a fracture.

The sensation Belle experienced as the doctors tugged and pulled inside her was one she would never be able to describe. She had felt it before 5 years ago but somehow she had erased the feeling from her memory. It could almost have been ticklish if she was really able to feel it.

As she grasped Aden’s hand she watched him as he gazed over the screen and watched the medics at work. As his eyes widened only to instantly return to normal again as he tried his best not to scare her she felt nothing short of a failure. She had failed him again and she was failing their little girl just as she had failed Jamie. She couldn’t even manage to carry her own baby safely to full term, the most natural thing of all.

As he fiddled with the itchy material of the scrubs again she let her gaze wander across the room, fluttering over the tiny incubator waiting to hold her daughter and the sparkling rows of tiny implements she could only assume would be somehow used to help her. Or at least try to.

She spluttered as she tried to talk and the words refused to spill over her tongue. What if they couldn’t help her?

As if sensing her increased fear he ran his fingertips over her knuckled and dropped his head to press a kiss against her forehead just as a commotion on the other side of the screen caused both their heads to shoot upwards.

Belle gasped loudly as their tiny daughter was held aloft for the briefest of moments over the petition. Her perfect little face was covered in a full head of wispy dark hair, her skin almost the colour of porcelain. Her eyes were tightly shut and Aden let out a sigh of relief, his lips curving into a proud smile as he tenderly kissed Belle, never once removing his gaze from his perfect daughter. But before her parents could drink in anymore of her she was snatched away and rushing to the far side of the room.

Belle gulped as Aden raised a hand to half cover his face. She wanted to scream and ask what was wrong but the deafening silence stopped her.

Her screams weren’t the one which they needed to hear.

Hand in hand they watched in horror, praying to a God neither of them was truly sure they believed in, as one medic gently massaged their daughter’s chest with her pinky finger and another rhythmically pumped a tiny oxygen mask over her.

They had never felt more alone and hopeless as in that moment.

When all they could do was watch and wait...

[Taniya_K]

Wow, that was great. How on Earth you managed to write that in such little time is beyond me, but it was amazing.

Dunno what else to say... Hope the baby's ok! And Belle, of course!

Can't wait for more!

xoxo

[bradyell]

I have no words for that!!!! Seriously Wow!! It was just....... WOW!!!

PLease please please let the baby be ok!!!

[LAURZY!]

OH MY DAYS! that was amazing!!!

I am actually speechless... wow! so, so good

I just hope everyone's ok, and i am SO glad that Aden got there!

Brilliant update!!!

[xknomex]

WOW!!! Louise that was just...... I cant think of anything to say it was.... WOW!

amazing

xx

[MrsL]

I'm speechless, AMAZING and WOW. Please let the baby be OK Im already in floods of tears. Can't wait for the next update.

[hitmanfan]

OH MY GOD!! That was so amazing, I don't know what to say!

It was so ... I hope every thing is ok with the baby, I felt emotion they were going through.

I don't know how you do it.

Can't wait for the update.

[Inactive User]

Whoa this is really a good chapter! Please let the baby survive! Update soon! Don't leave us hanging there! *leaps up and down in her seat*