Shattered Glass

[LauraPhilly!!]

I'm praying that this is a

flashback

Can't wait!!

OMG, i am 2!!

It better b!!

x x x

[Louise_2983]

Thank you everyone for reading and for the lovely comments. This is quite a long chapter but I kind of love it and I hope you do too! x

Chapter 37

What are you doing in here?” she asked him as she entered the bathroom and found him balancing on a chair in front of the mirror.

“Be careful on that chair sweetheart”

“I’m just watching myself in the mirror Mummy” he told her simply, leaning forward to get a closer look at his tiny features in the glass. The sleeves of his Disney pjs were scrunched up around his elbows and a baby blue toy rabbit hung from his hand by his side.

“You get to watch me all the time but my eyes can’t see me!”

“Well then I feel sorry for your eyes because you’re gorgeous!” she told him teasingly, squeezing him gently and nudging her nose into the crook of his neck.

“I look an awful lot like Daddy” he concluded matter of factly as he leant back against the support of her arms wrapped around his waist.

“You sure do” she grinned, ruffling his hair affectionately.

“We both have blue eyes and yellow hair” he announced, pointing out each feature with an outstretched index finger

“And our lips are all puffy”

“And very kissable” she smiled, placing a quick kiss smack on his bee stung lips as he giggled.

“Mummy!”

“Sorry sweetie, I couldn’t resist” she grinned lifting him from the chair and placing him down on the soles of his tiny, bare feet.

“Mummy, who will the baby look like?”

“I don’t know sweetie, we’ll just have to wait for her to get here and see”

“Will she look like you because she’s a girl and I look like Daddy because I’m a boy?”

“It doesn’t always work like that honey, she could look like either of us or both of us”

“Mummy, how will people know that you’re my Mummy if I don’t look like you?” he whispered sadly, his blue eyes misty.

“I will tell everyone!” she grinned, hugging his tiny frame close to her as she felt his lips curve into a smile against her tummy.

“Because I’m so, so proud to be your Mummy baby”

“Will you tell the baby because I don’t want her to think she has you all to herself Mummy!”

“Jamie, sweetie. The baby will know that I’m your Mummy too, and she’s going to love her big brother”

“What if she doesn’t like me?” he questioned, his expression betraying that he had genuine concerns that this would be the case.

“That’s impossible Jamie, no one could dislike you. Especially not your sister who I know you’re going to be such a good big brother too”

“I will try Mummy but I’ve never been a big brother before”

“And I’d never been someone’s Mummy before but I’m doing an ok job aren’t I?” she asked and even though she knew he’d soothe her worries she genuinely doubted her mothering skills sometime.

She was learning everyday and she was sure she’d mess up sooner or later.

“You’re very good for a learner Mummy” he grinned sweetly, baring the top row of sparkling white teeth.

“Only very good?” she pouted, pretending to be offended.

“You’re the bestest Mummy but I don’t want your head to explode!”

“No exploding heads here” she giggled.

“And just for the record sweetie, you’re the bestest too”

“I know Mummy” he replied matter of factly as if she’d stated the most obvious thing in the world, as he pushed her towards the door.

“Now can you go please because I need secrecy so I can do a number 2!” he whispered as if he was letting her in on a top secret.

“I think you mean privacy sweetie” she giggled.

“Mummy! I’m getting desperate!” he replied in frustration that she was still there.

“Anyone would think you didn’t like me” she teased before leaving and closing the door behind her.

She wandered into the kitchen where Aden was stood gazing at nothing out of the window. He looked exhausted as he slouched against the counter.

“How long have you been up?” she sighed placing a tender peck against his shoulder.

“Not long” he shrugged. His avoidance of her gaze would have told her he was lying even if she hadn’t already been aware of the fact.

“4 hours” she corrected him with a quick glance at the clock which confirmed it was almost 9am.

“If you already knew, why ask?” he snapped and instantly regretted it. She was trying, he was the one with the problem. Taking it out on her was not going to help and he definitely didn’t want it to have

any effect on the baby.

“I don’t know” she shook her head, a quick flick from side to side.

“Maybe I just wanted to know if you were still trying to pretend that everything is fine. Lying to me and to yourself Aden”

“I just couldn’t sleep”

“I know that. That’s not the issue, the issue is why you couldn’t sleep Aden. Why you’ve hardly slept for over a week, ever since you got back into bed with me in fact” she told him, tired of avoiding the

issue, tired of pretending.

“I just...”

“Don’t trust me” she whispered biting back warm tears already stinging the rim of her eyes.

“It’s not that” he told her adamantly.

“Then what? Because there must be some reason Aden, why you won’t touch me, why you sleep as far over the other side of the bed as you possibly can, why you get up in the middle of the night and

then fall asleep on the sofa by 7pm, why y-“

“I’m scared!” he shouted, interrupting her babbling.

“I’m scared ok?”

“What?! What have you got to be scared of Aden? Me?”

“No” he shook his head slowly, regretfully.

“I’m scared Belle. I’m scared to fall asleep and wrap my arms around you without even knowing that I’m doing it. I’m scared to let you all the way back in Belle, to get so close to you that I can’t

breathe, to be so close and comfortable and happy again because every time we let that happen life just screws us both over!”

“Life’s full of risks Aden” she stated simply as he sighed deeply, stretching his aching body so that his black t-shirt rode up a little revealing a teasing flash of his taught abdomen.

“You just have to work out which ones are worth taking. And if we’re not one of those risks then I think maybe you should just leave” she whispered, her heart breaking as she did so. It was the last

thing she wanted but she knew they couldn’t go on like this.

“Leave?” he whispered, his deep voice stuttering so the word was far too many syllables that it should be.

She nodded slowly, opening her mouth to form a response but before the words would trip over her tongue a loud clatter reverberated through the house followed a second later by the bathroom door

flying open and a tearful Jamie running into the room.

His tiny sobs broke Belle’s heart as he ran straight past Aden and into her arms.

“Mummy, I fell off the chair!” he cried, every syllable punctuated by a miniature howl.

“Oh sweetie!” she sympathised, hugging him close to her and letting him cry against her chest.

“Did you hurt yourself?”

His head bobbed up and down against her body as he continued to weep.

“Where does it hurt baby? Show Mummy” she whispered, her tone brimming with concern.

“My elbow!” he whimpered, holding up his bent right arm so she could examine the wound. Greeted by only a tiny scratch she inwardly breathed a sigh of relief but continued to humour the little boy to

whom the injury was clearly considered major.

“Oh dear” she murmured softly as Aden watched the scene before him with a tiny smile dancing on his lips.

“Would it help if Mummy kissed it better?”

A single nod of his head responded and instantly she peppered his elbow in a stream of kisses causing him to giggle slightly in between his tears

“Better?” she questioned.

“Nearly Mummy” he sniffled, wiping his now tear stained face.

“I know the ultimate cure” she suddenly grinned standing up and rummaging through one of the kitchen drawers before producing something she knew he would love.

“A Mickey Mouse plaster!” he grinned, his tears suddenly forgotten, as she smoothed the blue plaster over the scratch and placed another kiss on top of it for good measure.

“There we go, good as new” she smiled at him, nudging his cheek gently.

“Now no more climbing on chairs ok?”

“Ok Mummy” he whispered.

“I just wanted to see if I looked like you even a little bit”

“Oh sweetie” she sighed with a smile.

“You may be gorgeous like your Daddy but you’re still just like me”

“Really?” he grinned hopefully.

“Yep” she nodded mischievously.

“I would have climbed right back up on that chair too”

***

“Are you ok?” Matilda asked as Belle continued to stare at the same spot on the wall, the food on her plate untouched.

“Belle? Earth to Belle?”

“Sorry!” Belle snapped back to reality.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine, it’s just...”

“Just what?”

“Well Jamie fell off a chair this morning, he was standing on it trying to look in the mirror and he fell”

“Is he ok?” Matilda asked, her expression brimming with concern.

“He’s fine, just a scratch. Nothing that a kiss and a Mickey Mouse plaster wouldn’t fix” she grinned.

“Ah it only all life’s problems could be cured by a kiss and Mickey Mouse plasters!” Matilda sighed suddenly nostalgic for her childhood.

“I know” Belle chuckled, her fingertips tracing the rim of the cold glass in front of her.

“So if he’s ok then what’s bothering you?”

“Well he cried and when he came running in he ran right past Aden to me. It was me he wanted”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Matilda asked, clearly confused.

“No, it’s amazing but it just brought some things back”

“Like?”

“Like when he was a baby he used to cry all the time and I mean all the time. The only time he ever really seemed to be quiet was when I was holding him. It was like all he wanted was me. But I

was ill and I hated it and I did everything I possibly could to avoid holding him and when he was crying today and he wanted me it just brought it all back”

“Oh Belle” Matilda sighed, placing a hand gently over her friend’s.

“That was a long time ago, things are different now. You were there for him”

“I know but I’m going to have a baby soon Mattie and if it happens again I just, I don’t know what I’ll do”

“You’ll turn to Aden and your friends for support and you’ll get through it. But it’s not going to happen again Belle, it’s going to work out for you this time I have a good feeling”

“I hope so” she sighed softly as she tried to banish the painful memories from her mind with little effect.

*

“Please Aden can’t you just get him to be quiet just for a minute my head is killing me!” she snapped as the baby boy, just a few weeks old put his lungs to good use. His strong cries tore through her like sharp nails down a blackboard as his father frantically tried to calm him down.

“I’ve tried everything Belle but nothing’s making him happy” he sighed anxiously. He’d fed his son, changed him, rocked him in his arms for over an hour and yet nothing was settling him. He felt

helpless and Belle’s lack of interest was not helping either.

“I didn’t get any sleep last night!” she almost yelled as their son continued to bellow.

“None of us did!” he snapped angrily.

“Look, my arms are aching and I really need to go to the bathroom can you just hold him for a few minutes?”

“I’m busy, I need to finish this article!” she objected, suddenly beginning to tap at the laptop that had been idle before her for the past hour.

“Belle, you’re on maternity leave”

“It’s not going to hurt to keep my hand in though, I don’t want to be pushed aside just because I had a baby”

“And what about pushing aside your baby?!” he snapped again. He didn’t mean to. He instantly wished he hadn’t. He knew something wasn’t right. He just wished she would admit it and let him, or

anyone, help her instead of being so stubborn.

“He’s fine with you” she gulped.

She knew something was wrong too. She was just scared to admit that she was a failure as a mother. Scared to ask for help and confess that she felt nothing when she looked at her own son.

“Belle he’s been screaming for the past 3 hours straight. He’s not fine. Please just hold him before I have to clean up my own accident as well as his”

“Ok” she sighed moving away from the table so he could gently lower their tiny son into her arms.

He settled him cautiously and within seconds the screaming had died down to a tiny whimper until their son became content and silent in her arms.

“See” Aden smiled softly.

“He just wanted his Mummy, that was all”

She shifted uncomfortably with him in her arms, he barely weighed 6 pounds but he felt heavy and burdensome in her arms.

“Don’t you need the bathroom?” she prompted Aden figuring that the sooner he went the sooner he would return and she could hand the baby back over.

“You going to be ok with him?” he looked at her for reassurance, his eyes flickering over her features for signs of distress.

“I’m his mother aren’t I?” she snapped defensively. She was anything but ok but she could never admit it.

“Ok, I’ll just be a few minutes then” he whispered gazing at them cautiously before hesitantly making his way upstairs to the bathroom.

She gazed down at her baby boy as he stirred slightly in her arms. His tiny hands reached out towards her chest, grasping nothing but air as he let out a tiny gurgle.

“Hey baby” she whispered as his bright blue eyes stared back at her.

“I’m your Mummy. I know I’m not doing a very good job of it right now, I wish I was a better Mummy” she sighed as she continued to absorb every detail of him in hope that it would suddenly light some

sort of spark within her and she would be filled with love for him.

She looked harder and for longer. But still nothing.

She looked away, not even able to find tears due to her absolute void of emotion. Instantly he kicked a tiny foot against her forearm in one swift movement as though he was trying to regain her

attention.

“I waited so long for you to get here baby” she whispered looking down at him again, still and silent in her arms.

“I felt you grow in side of me and move and...well you know all that ice cream you got fed in there well that was me. Ben and Jerry’s of course” she grinned slightly at him.

“Only the best for my boy”

He let out a gurgle and she sure she saw the beginning of a smile, although it could have been a burp. Still she felt empty and numb.

“I wanted you so much” she whispered.

“I was so excited and happy and I loved you more than anything in the world and I don’t know what happened baby, I just don’t know. There’s something wrong with me and I’m scared to tell people

because what are they going to think of someone who...who...you don’t want to hear this do you? Because you’re going to be ok, yes you are” she reassured him as she gently rocked him in her arms.

“Because you know that your Daddy loves you don’t you? You mean the entire world to him and he is going to love you and care for you no matter what and whatever happens...” she sighed, no happy

ending in sight in her mind’s eye.

“I’m sorry. Just know that whatever happens, I’m sorry” she whispered just as Aden returned to the room.

“Here, can you take him I need to go too now” she lied, dumping the baby hastily back into his arms and running into the bathroom.

As the bathroom door slammed shut the harsh cries of the tiny, unhappy baby filled the house once more.

***

“So come on” she sighed sitting down next to him with a grin.

“Tell Aunty Nicole what the problem is”

“There isn’t one” he told her adamantly as he tipped back the ice cold beer bottle he was clutching and took a long, satisfying gulp.

“Aden you’ve hardly said a word since dinner. I know you remember? There’s something wrong”

“I was just thinking” he shrugged hoping she wouldn’t press him any further but knowing that she would.

“About Belle asking you to leave?”

“I wasn’t but I am now cheers Princess” he glared at her in annoyance.

“And she didn’t ask me to leave she just said that maybe I should”

“Same thing really” Nicole shrugged taking a swig from her own bottle.

“Either way it involves you living in different places”

“If I did want to leave do you really think she’d let me take Jamie with me?”

“Aden, Belle would never try and take Jamie from you. You know that” Nicole told him, surprised to find herself defending Belle.

“I don’t think it would be Belle kicking up a fuss. Jamie’s waited years to live with her. He adores her, he wouldn’t want to leave” he smiled slightly at the thought of just how much Jamie loved Belle.

“He would if you were leaving Aden. You’re the one person he knows he can rely on no matter what. He adores you too, don’t forget that”

“I think Belle’s jostling me on that pedestal for position of his favourite person though” he laughed softly.

“But that’s not a bad thing Nic, I love that they’re so close now. I’d begun to think that she was never coming back, having her back here and being there for Jamie is like Christmas”

“You don’t like Christmas!” she chuckled, her blonde tresses swaying behind her as she titled her head in the midst of her laughter.

“I did when Belle was around” he smiled softly.

“And Christmas is different when you’ve got kids anyway. I love seeing Jamie’s face light up on Christmas morning”

“Like it does when he sees Belle?” she asked knowingly.

“Exactly” he nodded with a smile.

“Do you remember when he was a baby and he cried all the time?”

“The only time he didn’t cry was when Belle was holding him” she nodded.

“So he cried pretty much all the time” Aden sighed draining the last of the alcohol from his bottle.

“She was the only person he wanted and I could understand that because I felt exactly the same way”

“Aden, that was a long time ago. She’s here for him now”

“I know it’s just he fell this morning and scratched his elbow and when he came running in crying he ran straight past me to her. She was all he wanted. And I love that Nic, I do. It’s great that he has

her in his life again and that this time she is there when he cries. But it just brought everything back you know? When she wasn’t there, mentally at first and then physically too when she left”

“But you got through it, you and Jamie together”

He smiled softly.

“Yeah we did”

*

He sighed as the strong, harsh cries of his tiny son filled the house and opening his eyes, pulled his exhausted body out of bed. It has only been 5 minutes since he thought he’d managed to finally get him to sleep and yet here he was screaming his lungs off once more.

As he wandered out of the room towards the nursery next door his gaze momentarily hovered over the left side of the bed where her body used to lay, where he would wrap his arms tightly around her and snuggle close to her as they slept, happy and content. Now the bed was empty and sleep was a true rarity. He wasn’t happy and he couldn’t remember the last time he felt content.

“Hey little Jefferies” he cooed softly, raising his beautiful son from the crib and cuddling him close to his toned, bare chest as he screeched loudly.

His fingertips rubbed gently circles through the back of the pure white cotton romper suit the tiny baby boy was swaddled in as he pleaded gently in a whisper for his cries to be shushed.

“Come on Jamie, I know you want to be good for me. Don’t you know who I am hey?” he asked, raising his son with both hands gently so he could gaze directly into his bright blue eyes.

“I’m your Daddy and when you’re not happy I’m not happy mate” he sighed, lowering his son back to rest vertically against his chest, supporting his sobbing frame cautiously with both hands.

“So how about a smile for me hey little man?” he asked hopefully but the only response he received was another piercing wail.

“No? No deal huh? Then how about you just quieten down a little bit Jamie hey please son? Because you getting worked up like this isn’t good for either of us is it mate?” he asked in a low murmur as he

continued to rub his hand softly in a comforting motion on his son’s tiny back.

He smiled softly as the intensity of his son’s screams diminished to be replaced by small hiccup like sobs. He cautiously lowered them down into the antique rocking chair adjacent to the window and tenderly began to rock back and forth with his son cradled in his arms as the full moon cast a single ray of light through the window beside them.

“That’s a good start isn’t it?” he whispered as a mirror image of his own eyes gazed back at him and a tiny hand attempted to grasp at his fingers as he attempted to make his gorgeous baby more

comfortable.

He would do anything to stop his tears, even if it involved cutting off a limb. He hated to see his son unhappy in the slightest, his heart shattering into tiny slithers every time he had to watch him cry.

“I know you want your Mummy Jamie” he whispered into his tiny ear.

“I want her to come back too but all this kicking up a fuss isn’t going to help with that you know” he broke the news gently, manoeuvring Jamie into his lap, supporting his body with his palms and wrists

as he finally became still, his sobbing easing away until he was placid and content.

“That’s a good boy. I knew you’d be a good boy for Daddy” he murmured bowing his head and pressing a tender kiss against his son’s temple. He inhaled the sweet smell of baby mixed with talcum

powder and smiled softly, gazing down at his baby boy.

“I miss your Mummy too” he confessed, supporting Jamie’s full weight on one forearm and using his free hand to gently play with his minute fingers.

“But she’s going to come back, I know it son” he whispered and was greeted by a tiny hiccup in response which he was certain was a sign that his son agreed.

“That’s right baby boy. Mummy’s going to come back real soon and when she does we need to be all nice and ready and not unhappy and sleep deprived. So I’ll do you a deal hey mate? I’ll try and be

happier for you if you do the same for me? Because I know I’ve been a bit grumpy lately but to be honest Jamie you haven’t been too friendly yourself” he grinned down at his son.

“Anyone would think we shared the same gene pool or something” he laughed and was certain his son’s lips curved into a tiny smile as something resembling a giggle escaped over his pale pink lips.

“Well I’m glad you think I’m funny mate” he smiled softly.

“Someone’s got to after all haven’t they? Yes they have and you’re the only one willing right now. But when your Mummy comes back I’m sure I’ll get a laugh out of her, even if most of the time she’s

laughing at me rather than with me” he chuckled, brushing his lips softly against his son’s forehead once again.

“Because she is going to come back Jamie, I know it. But until then it’s just us and we can manage can’t we? Team Jefferies? Aden and Jamie against the world?”

Jamie let out a tiny gurgle and Aden smiled down at him lovingly.

“See, I knew you’d agree son”

***

“I didn’t know if you were coming back” she sighed from her position on the sofa as he finally returned from dinner with Nicole. She’d been watching the clock for over an hour, each minute seeming as

long as an hour as it ticked by at a painfully slow pace.

He didn’t respond instead he simply sat down next to her and lifted her legs so they were resting on top of his own. Tenderly he pushed her hair from her face and ran the back of his hand down her

smooth cheek, his gaze never once leaving hers, before cupping her face between his hands and bringing her closer into a kiss.

He gently prised her soft lips apart with his own, kissing her tenderly. Slowly and softly like he wanted it to last forever. She remained still between his hands as he nipped her lower lip before softly

exploring its contours with his tongue. Just as she began to respond he pulled away slowly.

“I’m always coming back Belle” he whispered, his lips so close to her that his warm breath caused the stray tendrils of hair around her face to flutter.

“I’m so sorry for being such an idiot. We’ve waited so long to get this back and now we have I’ve been spoiling it by obsessing about something neither of us can change. I realised today that me and Jamie we can manage without you, we did it for almost 5 years. We can but that doesn’t mean I want to. I want this Belle, all of it, so much. And I trust you I really do. It might scare the hell out of me

but if anyone is worth the risk you are, I love you Belle Taylor”

“I love you too” she gulped, tears beginning to break free and rush down her cheeks.

“Hey, you’re not meant to cry” he whispered pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“Sorry” she smiled through her tears.

“I just thought you were going to hate me forever”

“I could never hate you, you’re everything to me” he murmured before lowering a hand to her tummy and rubbing it gently.

“My baby” he whispered before his other hand found her cheek and caressed it tenderly.

“My Belle” he smiled as she rested her forehead against his, her hand covering the one he had place on her bump.

“Always” she murmured softly.

“Always and forever”

[Taniya_K]

That ending was just the sweetest!!! Aw...

Loved that flashback with Jamie and Aden! I know it was sad, but it was kinda bittersweet. And I'm glad that Aden ahd that belief that Belle would come back, even if it did take her 5 years and he's only just accepted that she's not gonna leave again.

Can't wait for more!

xoxo

[LAURZY!]

I was in tears from the first flashback to the end!!

That was AMAZING! so well written

The ending OMG that was so, so good!

The second flashback with Aden and Jamie was heartbreaking yet so sweet!

Brilliant! Cant wait for more

[KaiyaBlake]

“You may be gorgeous like your Daddy but you’re still just like me”

“Really?” he grinned hopefully.

“Yep” she nodded mischievously.

“I would have climbed right back up on that chair too”

That was too funny

Best Chapter, I agree

The flashback made me understand more of what Aden had to go through too

I'm so glad they're getting back on track!

Can't wait for more

[xknomex]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww That was an amazing chapter!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sooooooooooooooooo glad that they've sorted everything out, everythings finally on the up

Loved Belle and Jamie's convo at the beginning, how he was worried about the baby not liking him... perfect Jamieness

Those flashbacks were just wow!!!! it was good to see what they both went through, twas heartbreaking.

brilliant

xxx

[Inactive User]

Great chapter. Aww loved the ending Update soon

[leah1234]

The ending was so sweet and adorable!!!! I'm glad that they seemed to have sorted out there differences

Jamie was adorable throughout!!!

Update soon

xxxxxx

[zifiso]

This chapter was so worth the wait, loved every bit of it.

The flashbacks were so sad, i mean that poor baby screaming for his mother! not that i blame Belle, she was sick

Loving Nicole in this fiction, she's so wise.

But it's all well and good now, so me, very happy!!

[bikinikill]

ohhh yay! that was really sweet. Great work Louise.