Shattered Glass

[bradyell]

Another BRILL chapter

Talk about a rollercoaster!! the begining was hugely

the ending hugely

sooooooooo hope they work it out! not just for jamie's sake but for ours!!!!!!!

will have to keep fingers crossed till next update, hope it's soon

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 34

She tapped her fingers nervously against the china cup she clutched close to her chest as she checked the clock for the third time in 5 minutes. The muted voices of the characters gracing the television screen buzzed around her head as a medley of worse case scenarios fluttered through her brain allowing her to imagine horrific injuries or fatality in great detail. It had been six hours without a word.

No call, no text, nothing to let her know that he was still breathing. She understood that he was angry but she didn’t think he would ever let it affect Jamie.

“It’s less than two minutes since the last time you checked” Annie commented dryly as she caught Belle diverting her gaze to the clock once more.

“I know” she sighed in frustration.

“Belle, stressing out like this is not good for you or the baby”

“Well when I know he’s not dead or in his car wrapped around a tree somewhere then I’ll stop stressing ok?” she snapped and instantly regretted it. None of this was Annie’s fault.

“I’m sure he’s fine, he probably doesn’t dare to come back. I heard what he said to you this morning”

“You were in?” Belle groaned.

“So does that mean you heard everything?”

“Pretty much” Annie nodded, reaching for the remote and flicking off the TV. A slight crackle filled the room as the screen dissolved to black and Belle couldn’t help but compare it to the empty void she

felt inside.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Only with him” she confessed quietly.

“It was talking about this to people other than him that got me in this mess in the first place”

“You could go and look for him? I’ll make sure Jamie’s ok” Annie offered sincerely.

“He could be anywhere! And Jamie’s the reason he should be back here in the first place. So he’s angry at me, that doesn’t mean he can just take off and forget about his son!”

“You did tell him to get out” Annie sheepishly dared to remind her.

“And when has Aden ever followed orders?!” she snapped, jumping up from the sofa, heading straight for the wall mounted phone and frantically tapping in Aden’s number.

As she reached the final digit a masculine hand appeared over her shoulder and pressed the end call button causing the sharp, familiar ring tone to irritate her ear drum.

“I’m going to bed” Annie announced with a gulp.

“I’ll listen to music” she reassured them, already half way up the stairs.

“Really loud music”

“Where have you been?” she asked quietly as she placed the handset gently back in its cradle and slowly twisted her body to face him.

“Just walking” he responded with a shrug.

“Thinking”

“Not about your son clearly” she told him, her voice calm and at normal volume.

“He’s been waiting hours for you to go and say goodnight to him Aden”

“Is he still awake?” he asked already striding across the lounge towards Jamie’s bedroom.

“Of course he is, he’s not going to sleep until he’s seen his Daddy is he?”

“Well I didn’t know if I’d be welcome back here, you did throw me out”

“You live here don’t you? And I meant get out then not get out forever” she told him softly as he reached for the gold door handle and paused before turning it.

“Are you coming?”

“I already said goodnight”

“He’s never had his Mummy and Daddy both there to say goodnight before” he smiled weakly at her, hopefully.

“He’d like it and whatever’s going on between us it shouldn’t affect him. He’s the most important person in all of this right?”

“Glad you’ve realised that” she sighed as he slowly slid the door open and she followed him into the room.

“Daddy?” Jamie murmured, his eyes flickering open from semi slumber as his blond head peeped out from the cocoon of Disney duvet he was wrapped up in.

“Yeah it’s me mate” Aden smiled softly as he perched on the edge of the bed, running a hand tenderly through his son’s hair.

“Me and Mummy”

“Hey Mummy” the five year old smiled sweetly, his eyes becoming more alert as they adjusted to the artificial light pouring into the room from the lounge.

“Hey sweetie, I told you Daddy would come to say goodnight didn’t I?”

“Where did you go Daddy?” he asked perplexed.

“You weren’t here when Aunt Nicole brought me home or for all of the minutes after that. I was worried about you”

“Jamie” he told his son soothingly as he dropped a kiss on his forehead and a surge of guilt ran through him. He’d let his anger at Belle affect his son and he should never have allowed it to. It was his

job to protect him from all this.

“You don’t have to worry about me, I’ll always come back. I always do don’t I?”

“Yep” the little boy nodded wearily, his eyes drooping as his head flopped back onto the pillow.

“You always come back” he told him with a smile before continuing to murmur, his eyes still closed.

“And Mummy came back too. She went away for a long time but she came back”

“I’m never going away again Jamie” she promised, placing a tender kiss on his forehead as a gentle puff of air escaped from his lips and she giggled softly at how quickly he had managed to fall to

sleep.

“I’ve been trying to get him to go to sleep for hours and yet the minute he sees you he’s out like a light” she grinned at Aden momentarily forgetting the tension between them as they gazed adoringly at their sleeping son.

“He was just worried” Aden told her as they left the room and he closed the door tightly behind them.

“He isn’t used to having both of us here. I think in his head he feels like he can only have one of us and that something’s going to happen to take one of us away from him”

“Well we’ll just have to show him that he can have both of us then won’t we?”

“Yeah” Aden nodded solemnly as he sunk his body onto the soft arm of the sofa. He was calm and his voice low. No matter how angry he was he didn’t want to risk any harm to their child by upsetting

her with shouting and screaming.

“I’m sorry for what I said Belle, I was angry. I know that’s no excuse”

“No, no it’s not” she shook her head in a sombre manner as she came to a stop in front of him.

“You hurt me Aden and you have to realise that you can’t keep saying things like that and expect me just to forgive you. I know we used to make a joke of the whole skank thing but you were the only

person I could have ever done that with because I knew that was exactly what it was. A joke. I knew you didn’t mean it. But when you use it against me like some sort of weapon...”

“I didn’t mean it” he sighed, the glint of hurt in her eyes cutting through him like a knife. He didn’t want to be the cause of her pain but she had caused his and all his life the only response he had ever

learnt to pain was to lash out at the perpetrator.

“I was angry and I deal with anger by lashing out you know that, it’s the only way I know Belle”

“Then you have to deal with that Aden. You have to learn to think before you say things, I think we both do. I can’t say I haven’t said things to you that I shouldn’t have in the past either”

“The infamous abuse comment” he sighed remembering how her words had shot through him like a bullet. If his heated remark had caused her even half as much pain he had a lot to be sorry for. He

never wanted to hurt her like that.

“Hurt didn’t it?” she asked knowingly.

“Like a dagger”

“Then you should know how what you said made me feel. I would never lie to you about something as important as our children Aden. I would never tell you this baby was yours if she wasn’t”

“Just the other way around huh?” he half laughed.

“I never said she wasn’t yours. But I realise that not telling you she is yours was almost as big a mistake”

“I’m sorry for what I said Belle, I really am”

“It hurt Aden” she sighed, gently running a flat palm over her bump.

“But I’ll forgive you, I always do even if sometimes my better judgment tells me not to. Because I love you and we can work through this...all of it”

“Can’t we?” she asked nervously, her voice trembling slightly as he avoided her gaze, the floral pattern of the sofa suddenly becoming the most interesting thing in the room to him.

“Aden?” she pressed, her quivering voice squeaking with uncertainty.

“I don’t know Belle” he sighed, lifting his head and raising his baby blue eyes to meet hers.

“I want to but...”

“No buts Aden!” she half pleaded.

“I love you and you said you loved me. I believed you”

“I do love you Belle. More than anything you know that” he told her adamantly, slightly hurt that she would ever doubt that he’d meant that. Even if sometimes his actions had contradicted him.

“Then we can get through this, we can get through anything as long as we do it together”

“What if it’s not enough?” he questioned, cursing himself for even uttering the words but knowing that he had to be honest about how he was feeling.

“It’s more than enough Aden, I’ve never loved anyone like this and I never will do again. You’re it for me and it’s taken 5 years for us to get this back, I’m not going to let you just throw this away”

“What if it wasn’t me?”

“What?”

“I didn’t throw this away, but you might have done. I love you Belle but I don’t know if I can trust you anymore”

“You can trust me Aden, this little girl is your daughter. Our daughter. If you don’t believe me then I’ll even go on one of those ridiculous TV shows and have a DNA test live on air if you want!”

“That won’t be necessary” he laughed softly knowing just how much she despised those shows. Tentatively he raised a flat palm and skimmed it over her tummy, before resting it near where her own

hand lay.

“If you say she’s mine then she’s mine” he smiled as the baby moved beneath their hands and the confusion in his eyes turned to pride and love.

“And I want her to be mine”

“See you’re trusting me already” she pushed him hopefully. She couldn’t lose him not again, not when they’d only just got back together.

“I’m sorry for what I said Belle” he told her again quietly.

“For what I said about not being the father. But everything else still applies. I missed the beginning of my daughter’s life because of you and I’ll never know for sure just how much more I would have

missed if I hadn’t left Kirsty”

“I was going to tell you, I promise” she sighed sliding her hand over his. Instantly he moved his away so it still rested against her tummy but so she wasn’t touching him.

“I want to believe you Belle, I really do” he told her honestly.

“I just don’t know if I can”

“You can, you can choose to”

“It’s not that easy, I wish it was. I wish I could just forgive and forget but I can’t”

“I’m not going to beg Aden but if you give up on us now then we’re never going to be a family and you’ll miss even more than you have already and I’ll miss more with Jamie and neither of us will be

happy”

“I know” he sighed, rubbing his hand in gentle circles over her tummy as the baby stirred slightly.

“I don’t want to miss anything Belle but what if that’s not a good enough reason?” he questioned finally removing his hand from her bump.

“If we don’t trust each other then it’s all just going to fall apart eventually anyway”

“I trust you” she whispered softly, her free hand instantly covering the spot on her tummy his had previously rested on.

“I want to trust you” he whispered back with a small smile.

“I want to try, I do. But I can’t promise anything Belle. I feel...betrayed”

“By me or by yourself?”

“What?” he looked back at her confused.

“You’re not an idiot Aden. We slept with each other without using contraception and then suddenly I’m pregnant. Are you seriously going to try and tell me that the thought that you might be the father

never even crossed your mind? That deep down you didn’t know? Or at least suspect?”

“I might have wondered” he confessed with a nod.

“Hoped even” he sighed.

“It killed me to think you were carrying another man’s baby. I would’ve given anything for her to be mine and all the time she was. But I honestly believed that she was Johnny’s Belle because I trusted

you and I thought that if she was mine you would have told me. No matter what was happening between us I never imagined you would ever keep something so important from me”

“I never imagined I would” she admitted with a deep sigh.

“But when you walked away that night, after we’d been so close, it crushed me. Neither of us knew it then but we conceived our daughter that night and all I remember is how dirty and used I felt when

you walked away like it meant nothing, like I meant nothing. I didn’t want you to choose me because I was pregnant Aden. I didn’t want to feel used for the rest of my life, whether it was for my body or

for my baby I didn’t want that, I couldn’t bear it. That’s not who I am, I’m stronger than that”

“I know” he nodded.

“That’s one of the reasons I love you. And I do love you Belle. I’m sorry I ever made you feel like that but you could have told me without us having to be together. Even if I had left Kirsty you wouldn’t

have had to take me back”

“I knew that wouldn’t have been enough for you” she told him, shaking her head knowingly.

“Because I know how I felt stood on the sidelines whilst you played happy families with Kirsty and our son. When I spent the day with him, or with both of you, and then I had to leave and come home

and sit here by myself or sleep in an empty house. It hurt Aden and I know you would hate it because I did”

“Maybe but not as much as I would have hated finding out five or ten or fifteen years down the line when I’d missed everything Belle”

“I know, I realised that. I was going to tell you. I can keep saying it over and over but I’ll never be able to really prove it Aden. You just have to trust me because even though I told Matilda I was going

to tell you no one but me really knows for definite that I was going to”

“Matilda knew” he suddenly stated as though it had only just hit him.

“Yeah, she’s my best friend. She was there when I took the pregnancy test”

“Who else knows?”

“Aden it doesn’t matter” she sighed, she didn’t want to give him any more reason to be angry with her.

“So other people knew? You were keeping it from me but other people knew?” he whispered, his eyes full of disappointment.

“Matilda accidentally let it slip to Rachel and Ric guessed and...” she trailed off not wanting to finish.

“Who else?” he pressed, his eyes demanding an answer.

“Well Drew walked in on us that night so it didn’t take much for him to connect the dots when I told him I was pregnant”

“God Belle” he sighed in frustration.

“Even that loser knew I was going to be a Dad again but you couldn’t tell me?”

“I was going to tell you!”

“So you keep saying”

“And I can keep saying it. We can go round and round in the same circles Aden but I can’t change anything. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I can’t change it so we either move on from this or...”

“Or...?”

“I don’t want that” she told him shaking her head.

“And I hope that you don’t too but I’m not going to beg Aden”

“I want to try but it’s not just going to magically get better Belle. I need time”

“Ok” she nodded not sure whether to feel relief or fear.

“So what now?”

“I think we should just both get some sleep” he sighed.

“It’s been a long day”

“Yeah it sure has”

“Have you got some pillows and a blanket?”

“Why?”

“I’m going to sleep out here” he told her nodding towards the sofa.

“What so you can’t even stand to be near me now?” she questioned, biting back the warm tears stinging her eyes.

“I just need some space Belle”

“And what if Jamie wakes up in the middle of the night again? It’s going to confuse him if you’re out here. Don’t you think we’ve confused him enough?”

“I’ll just tell him I fell asleep watching TV, I used to do that a lot with Kirsty” he shrugged as he took the blankets she held out to him from the airing cupboard.

“So we’re starting off on the same foot as your sham of a marriage? That fills me with hope Aden”

“No were not” he shook his head slowly.

“I love you. That already puts us one step ahead. One big step”

“You didn’t want to touch her, you don’t want to touch me. Feels pretty much the same to me” she sighed in frustration.

“I’m sorry I just need s-”

“Yeah, space you said” she snapped as tears began to escape.

“I’m still here” he whispered his hand gently skimming across her tummy.

“And I will try to make this work I promise” he sighed as he placed a quick kiss against her cheek.

“It’s all just words Aden” she shrugged, disappearing into the bedroom and shutting the door behind her before allowing her tears to truly flow.

[Taniya_K]

I glad that he came back, obviously, but the tension is still clear. I really hope they can work past it, but what Aden said was true. It's sad that he can't feel like he cane trust her entirely anymore

Cannot wait for more. Here's hoping you'll make it all better!

xoxo

[leah1234]

I don't know what it is but I have started to cry at the end of the last few chapters- good writing

I'm glad that he's trying to trust her but they just seem so far spart all of a sudden!!!

Update soon

xxxxx

[jenpen08]

Agh noo!

I do hope Aden forgives her!!

Great chapter as per usual!!

Cannot wait for the next chapter!!

[bradyell]

It's a good job i have a friend who works at cadburys who keeps me supplied with chocolate!! All this drama!!!!

I see where Aden is coming from but i really really hope that they can work it out.

the world needs a happy Adelle

looking forward to next chapter

[Red Ranger 1]

Really liked that chapter.I think it's very realistic the way you've portrayed them, they obviously want to be together but yet again things are getting in the way.It's good that Aden's being honest:Whether or not he's wrong, it's no use pretending everything's fine and happy when he's still got doubts like that. Looking forward to the next chapter.

[Zetti]

Mirroring Red Ranger 1 post. I am glad Aden is trying to brush it under the carpet, I cant stand the angst but it is very believable.

[Louise_2983]

Really liked that chapter.I think it's very realistic the way you've portrayed them, they obviously want to be together but yet again things are getting in the way.It's good that Aden's being honest:Whether or not he's wrong, it's no use pretending everything's fine and happy when he's still got doubts like that. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Thank you. I'm glad you found it realistic, I didn't want to break them up because I feel like Aden loves Belle and the baby too much to just walk away but at the same time I didn't just want him to automatically forgive her and carry on as if it never happened.

[xknomex]

that chapter had me in tears, it was so sad

I really really really really hope Aden can learn to trust her again, or its just going to be one big disaster.

Brilliantly written chapter! wow.

Update soon

xxx